Charging the motivational battery

Summary

Feedback that strengthens someone’s confidence can be a powerful motivator. Sadly, we don’t share such feedback enough.

In India, it's inexpensive to hire house help. However, as a family, we endeavour to do as much housework by ourselves as we can. For example, my job is to unstack the dishes each morning and to keep the washrooms clean. One week, after I’d finished cleaning the washrooms, my mother-in-law visited us. Later, I learned she was impressed by my cleaning. She’d told my wife it looked like a “professional” cleanup. I was chuffed to hear that. For the next several weeks, I cleaned the toilets with the gusto of a professional cleaner. What if my mother-in-law were to pay another visit? I sure wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would I? In recent weeks, my mom’s given me a similar compliment. In my mind, if bathroom-cleaning is an art form, I’m a virtuoso at it. 

I can hear some of you chuckle. Yes you. I’m watching. It’s ok, though – I meant for you to have a little laugh. But now that my tongue’s out of my cheek, I must acknowledge that those compliments make me take some pride in the rather mundane act of cleaning bathrooms. You see, cleaning is one of the most thankless jobs in the household. You notice a dirty, messy home, but you don’t quite stop to admire a clean room. No one acknowledges a cleaning job. So, each time one of us completes such a thankless job without acknowledgement from the other members of the family, it discharges our motivational batteries. If I tell you that I often procrastinate with my cleaning chores, you shouldn’t be surprised. Those motivational batteries? They often run on fumes.

But the little acknowledgements from my mom and my mom-in-law act as fast-charging, motivational power boosts. Cleaning isn’t a thankless job anymore. Someone notices. Someone cares. 

It’s a bit like this at work, too. Many years back, my then-colleague, Patrick Kua, taught me the only two reasons to share feedback. You either want to improve someone’s effectiveness by telling them how to do something differently, or you want to strengthen someone’s confidence by telling them which behaviours they should repeat. I fear that while we’re often quick to share feedback to improve effectiveness, we’re miserly when it comes to strengthening confidence. We normalise good behaviour and performance to the point that we don’t even acknowledge it. 

So, here’s what I ask of you. Do you see someone around you with an empty or fast-depleting motivational battery? Ask yourself if you’ve acknowledged the good work they do, or have you taken it for granted. Take the opportunity to acknowledge the work they do that benefits you or the team. Put your arms around their shoulders and tell them they matter. And don’t stop at that. Do it again. With one more person. And again. When you see those motivational batteries recharged, come back and thank me. It’ll do my confidence a world of good, too!